Harry Potter: Or How It Should Have Ended

Filling in inconvenient plot holes, using MacGuffins, and adding rationality to the movies (and books)

Dumbledore Takes On Top Gear With Great Effect

Dumbledore is no Stig, but he is a real funny guy in real life. Sir Michael Gambon, who plays Dumbledore after taking over the role from Sir Richard Harris, is a real car fanatic and is funny as all heck.



That's from his second appearance on the show. His first was truly memorable in that he nearly sent the merely ordinary car flying coming out of the final turn. And he did so without a wand:

If Harry Potter Did Facebook Updates, Part I

Ah, the joys of blogging and facebooking your status.

Here's a quick and dirty recap of Harry's postings to date:

Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone:
Harry: I'm home. I don't know why I'm here, or what that scar is though.
Harry: I hate my aunt and uncle, and especially my cousin.
Harry: Owls? You mean magicians haven't heard of phones? Or twitter?
Harry: Invited to Hogwarts. Gotta catch a train. And get books.
Harry: Friended Hagrid. Big dude. Kinda odd though.
Harry: Just found out I've got a huge bank account. I'm loaded.
Harry: Loaded up on school supplies, and got a wand.
Harry: Just friended Ron and Hermoine.
Harry: Joined Gryffindor. Brilliant.
Harry: I hate potions. And Snape.
Harry: I'm gonna have to watch out for Draco. Oh, and I just got a cool broom.
Harry: Just made Gryffindor Quidditch team as seeker. After just a few minutes on a broom no less. Brilliant.
Harry: Who's Voldemort, and why does he want to kill me?
Harry: What's a Sorcerer's Stone? Let me use this new invisibility cloak to figure this out.
Harry: Hermoine sure knows how to use spells and charms.
Harry: They play a mean game of chess here. Hope Ron's okay.
Harry: Damnit, I thought I liked DADA teacher Quirrel.
Harry: Wish that Dumbledore would be more careful with those spells and charms. Oh, and a heads up about Voldemort would be nice.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets:
Harry: Back at Hogwarts after another miserable experience with my aunt, uncle, and cousin. Oh, and I can speak in tongues.
Harry: What the heck are muggles and why is someone so angry at them for being here?
Harry: New school year, new DADA teacher, same old Snape. Snape really hates me. What'd I ever do to him?
Harry: Wow. Is the school safe? All these people are getting petrified, and no one seems to know how to stop it.
Harry: Now Hermoine is petrified. Great. I need her help.
Harry: Just found a diary, but its pages are blank. Maybe this will help.
Harry: Who is Tom Riddle?
Harry: So, there I thought Hagrid was a nice guy and this book says otherwise. Wonderful.
Harry: Sat down with Hagrid before he's hauled off to Azkaban. He says check out his friend, a spider in the forest.
Harry: Wow. Lucky to be back. Just talked with the spider. Gave me plenty to chew on, before he sent his offspring to chew on Ron and me. Perfect timing for Ron's car to show up and save the day though.
Harry: What's this? Hermoine left a note saying to look for a basilisk. Wonderful. It's a snake.
Harry: Great. Now, Ron's sister Ginny is missing (and she's kinda cute too).
Harry: Now off with Ron and DADA teacher Lockhart.
Harry: Lockhart's useless.
Harry: Nice to know that speaking in tongues can open (trap doors). So that's where the Chamber of Secrets is.
Harry: Lockhart tries to throw a spell on us, but using Ron's wand is a bad idea.
Harry: Dumbledore's pet Fawkes is here. So is Tom Riddle. Brilliant. Now, I just have to kill the basilisk before Ginny dies.
Harry: The basilisk is dead, thanks to the Sword of Gryffindor. Guess I picked wisely with the Sorting Hat.
Harry: So, now Dumbledore sits down to explain things? A heads up would be nice. I almost died but for Fawkes' tears. They should bottle those tears - they could make a fortune.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban:
Harry: Who is Sirius Black? He's escaped from Azkaban and someone put a bee in his bonnet.
Harry: I've got to get out of this house, so let me catch the night bus.
Harry: Diagon Alley never looked so nice.
Harry: Whew. Finally made it to Hogwarts. What a ride though on the Hogwarts Express. Passed out when something tried to suck my soul dry.
Harry: Good thing that Lupin was around. He's the new DADA teacher. Maybe he'll stick around. Seems like a nice guy.
Harry: Snape's still here, and he still can't stand me. Feelings are mutual.
Harry: Security is tighter, but why do I not feel a whole lot safer?
Harry: Why is everyone trying to get me? Can't even play a Quidditch match without those dementors trying to kill me. Glad that Dumbledore managed to save my life, but my broom is toast. I really liked it.
Harry: Lupin's teaching me some new tricks. It's hard though. I got a map.
Harry: Ah, so Sirius Black is the guy who gave up my parents to Voldemort who then killed him. I'm gonna kill him.
Harry: Ron's lost his rat. He blames Hermoine's cat though. What is it with those two. They act like a married couple.
Harry: Wow. Didn't see that coming. Ron's rat is missing a thumb. The only evidence they ever found of Peter P. was a thumb. Hmmmm.
Harry: Lupin stops me from killing Sirius, but that's because the real traitor was Peter. Damnit, now I'm going to have to find a new DADA because Lupin's turned into a werewolf. Oh, and Sirius is an animagus? WTF?
Harry: Wish I had more time to fix things. Oh wait, I do - with Hermoine's help.
Harry: Glad I made friends with Buckbeak, because he just saved my bacon.
Harry: Sirius is my godfather? Cool. Now if I can clear his name.
Harry: Just saved Buckbeak and Sirius in one shot. Brilliant.

Harry Potter: The Alternative Take

What if Harry Potter decided to be friends with Draco Malfoy and realized just how rude Ron Weaseley was to both him and Hermoine Granger?



Well, we'd be in for a serious problem, that's for sure.

Meanwhile, it seems that educational failure has been an issue in the wizarding world too. After all, there is limited education for children until they're shipped off to Hogwarts or one of the other wizarding schools. No Wizard Left Behind seems like the perfect program.

New Glimpses At Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Movie

A new trailer to whet your appetite (HT: mrs. lawhawk):

Actress In Harry Potter Movies Nearly Victim of Honor Killing

Afshan Azad, the actress who plays Padma Patil in the Harry Potter movies was allegedly attacked and threatened by her father and brother over Azad's relationship with an unnamed man. The brother is also accused of assaulting her.

Afshan Azad, 22, who has appeared in four of the blockbuster movies as Padma Patil, is now believed to be staying with friends in London.

Her father Abdul Azad, 54, and brother Ashraf Azad, 28, both of Longsight in Manchester, were arrested and charged.

Both are accused of threatening to kill her.

Ashraf Azad is also accused of assaulting his sister causing her actual bodily harm.

They appeared at Manchester Magistrates’ Court on Tuesday and the case was adjourned until July 12 for committal proceedings to crown court.

They had been in custody until this week’s court appearance when they were bailed.

As part of their bail conditions, they have to abide by an 11pm to 6am curfew and must not travel to London or contact an unnamed man.

Miss Azad lived with her father, mother Nilofar and her three brothers.

This has all the hallmarks of a threatened honor killing. Honor killings are common in parts of South Asia, including among Bengalis (the region straddling Bangladesh and India). It is also common among Muslim populations.

Here's hoping that both her father and brother are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Despite moving to the UK, some population groups cling to these barbaric notions of family dishonor and hope to impose all manner of restrictions and strictures on women. Those who don't toe that strict line are subject to violence, as in Azad's case.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Trailer Released

Behold the beginning of the end for the Harry Potter movie phenomenon. The final book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows has been split into two movies, with the first part to hit theaters in November. The finale comes in July 2011.

New Harry Potter Video

HT: Mrs. Lawhawk

Harry Potter Magically Appears As New Lego Video Game

Combining two of my favorite things - Lego and the Harry Potter franchise, the video games come out this month chronicling the first four years that Harry spent at Hogwarts.

The Obligatory Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince Review

Last night, Mrs. Lawhawk and I decided to have a date night and we took in dinner and a movie, which happened to be Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Don't worry, there wont be any spoilers here, although I figure that many people are aware that there is a character called Harry Potter, a series of books detailing his exploits, and that there is a movie franchise that has raked in billions featuring Potter and his friends as they deal with the return of the evil Lord Voldemort.

I will say that the packed house was quite taken with the movie. There was a good mix of humor and suspense, and while a major character is killed off you almost expect to see him again in the form of flashbacks and other magical guises.

The acting in this movie is far more sophisticated than the earlier movies, and that can be attributed to the fact that the actors playing the key roles of students are themselves growing up and become more sure of themselves. Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley) is perhaps the funniest of the characters, and has a knack for physical comedy and sight gags.

Much of the movie focuses on the coming of age of the students at Hogwarts and it focuses on an attempt to find out about the background of Voldemort, which may prove useful in the coming war against Voldemort and his minions.

The visuals of the movie are quite entertaining and remarkable. The apparation of various witches and wizards reminds me of the techniques used in the X-Men movie franchise to depict the teleportation abilities of Nightcrawler.

It's used to excellent effect.

Altogether, I'd rate this move 4 out of 5 if you consider it a standalone movie, or a 3 out of 5 if you attempt to compare it to the book, which has a slightly different ending and resolution.

However, I suspect that the different endings might be explained in the fact that the final installment of Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, will be made into two movies. With two movies to split up all the action and resolution, the director and producers might have shifted some of the details and information from Half Blood Prince into the first part of Deathly Hollows, particularly because some of those scenes involved flashbacks.

In any event, this is a transition movie leading up to the ultimate battle between good and evil.

I can't wait to see how they transform the final book into the movies.

Harry Potter Actor Busted For Unlawful Herbology

He portrays one of bullies who constantly needles Harry Potter in the hit franchise. Now, Jamie Waylett is going to have quite the hard time dealing with the Muggle police:

Jamie Waylett, who plays the beefy bully Vincent Crabbe in the "Harry Potter" movie franchise, was busted for growing 10 marijuana plants in his north London home by Scotland Yards. He was arrested in April after cops found the budding sorcerer with bags of the magic weed in his car.

Waylett, 18, was charged on Tuesday shortly before the London premiere of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," the sixth installment of the wildy popular series based on the books by British author J.K. Rowling.