Previously Hidden Secrets Of NY Governors Revealed

After snooping around the shredded papers on the Second Floor at the NYS Capitol and spending minutes putting them together with the assistance of a Persian carpet weaver and at Mrs. Lawhawk's insistence, I believe I've found who has been advising New York's governors for the past several years and may have indeed played a role in creating the Bear Mountain Compact, which has survived to this very day, despite every attempt to try and make politicians accountable for their actions. I've even declared it dead, only to watch it arise like a character out of a movie.

The person behind the debauchery? Mayor Joe Quimby. Yes, the current and omnipresent Mayor of Springfield.

The evidence?


Exhibit A. A recent interview.

Exhibit B. The quotes are eerily similar:

Do you mind?! I am just trying to have a quiet meal with my secret other family!

Quimby: Wiggum, you glorified nightwatchman, let her go!
Wiggum: But she broke the law!
Quimby: Thanks for the civics lesson. Now listen to me. If Marge Simpson goes to jail, I can kiss the chick vote goodbye. And if I go down, you're gonna break my fall!
Wiggum: Word to the wise, Quimby. Don't write cheques your butt can't cash.
Quimby: Hear me loud and clear, Wiggum. You bite me, I'll bite back.
Wiggum: You talk the talk, Quimby. But do you walk the walk?

Also I would like to say that this woman is not my wife, although I am sleeping with her. I'm telling you because I'm comfortable with my womanising.

Exhibit C: The audio is pretty damning. You can listen to the most incriminating bits over and over and it still doesn't get old. Maybe that's the charm that Quimby uses to stick around in office.

However, the most damning evidence is a shaky handheld video incident that was uncovered, but if you're not comfortable with Blair Witch style camera shake, you might want to pass this up (and word to the wise, it appears Quimby was busy advising Jim McGreevey as well).

All in all, I think it's a pretty open and shut case.