The best sex should last between seven and 13 minutes, and even three-minute sex is "adequate", a major survey of US experts has concluded.This is good news for the majority of men who are not porn stars.
But Australian sex therapists commenting on the new research say most men Down Under wanted it to last considerably longer while most women were "not bothered" if it was over with fast.
The sex study is the first to review what the experts believe is the ideal length of time to have penetrative sex, with the random sample of Americans and Canadians labelling seven to 13 minutes most "desirable".
Intercourse lasting between three and seven minutes was deemed "adequate", but anything less was "too short" and beyond 13 minutes was "too long".
The study, published today in the international Journal of Sexual Medicine, is designed help calm couples' unrealistic beliefs that healthy sex should last a long time.
US studies show Americans expect penetrative sex to last between 15 and 20 minutes, even though self reports indicate it is over in less than half this time.
Lead researcher Dr Eric Corty, from the Behrend College in Erie, Pennsylvania, said this was a situation "ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction".
"In the fantasy model of male sexuality, men have large penises, rock-hard erections, and can sustain sexual activity all night long," Dr Corty wrote.
"It appears that many men and women hold this fantasy.
"The results from the present study, by providing a realistic not a fantasy model of sexuality, are useful both in treating people with sexual concerns and dysfunctions, and, with wider circulation, in preventing the onset of sexual dysfunctions."
In related sexual news:
NEW YORK - American men still don't pull their weight when it comes to housework and child care, but collectively they're not the slackers they used to be. The average dad has gradually been getting better about picking himself up off the sofa and pitching in, according to a new report in which a psychologist suggests the payoff for doing more chores could be more sex.Ok, in a recent dinner with Lawhawk and two other long time friends, I was accused of not pulling my fair share of household chores, especially with respect to changing diapers. And Mrs. Legalbgl always complains that I do not wash my dish after dinner. So, if doing the dishes more often and vacuuming every now and then will get me more of my 7-13 minutes, heck I am all for it.
The report, released Thursday by the Council on Contemporary Families, summarizes several recent studies on family dynamics. One found that men's contribution to housework had doubled over the past four decades; another found they tripled the time spent on child care over that span.
"More couples are sharing family tasks than ever before, and the movement toward sharing has been especially significant for full-time dual-earner couples," the report says. "Men and women may not be fully equal yet, but the rules of the game have been profoundly and irreversibly changed."
Some couples have forged partnerships they consider fully equitable.
"We'll both talk about how we're so lucky to have someone who does more than their share," said Mary Melchoir, a Washington-based fundraiser for the National Organization for Women, who — like her lawyer husband — works full-time while raising 6-year-old triplets.
"He's the one who makes breakfast and folds the laundry," said Melchoir, 47. "I'm the one who fixes things around the house."
Joshua Coleman, a San Francisco-area psychologist and author of "The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework," said equitable sharing of housework can lead to a happier marriage and more frequent sex.
"If a guy does housework, it looks to the woman like he really cares about her — he's not treating her like a servant," said Coleman, who is affiliated with the Council on Contemporary Families. "And if a woman feels stressed out because the house is a mess and the guy's sitting on the couch while she's vacuuming, that's not going to put her in the mood."
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