Perusing the Docket

Crazy lawsuits spring up from creative lawyers hoping to enrich themselves and their clients, along with the occasional nutcase hoping to make waves. Most of these suits never go anywhere, but some are entertaining just for who are named as parties to the suit.

Jonathan Lee Riches is someone who has way too much time on his hands. Being a convict in prison could explain that.

He's currently got a lawsuit pending for $65,000,000,000 billion against Michael Vick, claiming that he stole Riches' dogs and used the proceeds to buy missiles from Iran:

Embattled NFL quarterback Michael Vick, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, has been hit with a "$63,000,000,000 billion dollar" lawsuit filed by a South Carolina inmate who alleges the Atlanta Falcons star stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy "missiles from Iran," FOX News has learned.

Anonymous emailer points out another suit brought by Riches on a federal civil rights claim on behalf of himself and other prisoners. This suit lists hundreds of defendants including (and my comments in parens): Plato (he's dead Jim!), Paris Hilton (understandable), Geico (I guess he doesn't like cavemen much), President Bush (gotcha), Boris Becker (I'm more a Sampras guy myself), Jewish Mossad (shhh! they really do run everything), Rastafarian Natives (Bob Marley was unavailable for comment), Geneva Convention (gag rule in effect), Sammy Sosa (but he loves baseball!), Ben Gurion Airport (is there anything an airport can't be blamed for?), the Uniform Commercial Code (damn the Code, full speed ahead!), James Hoffa (who I presume is not buried under Giants Stadium for purposes of this suit), Jerry West (okay, I concede this one if you're a Celtics fan), John Deere (what, he doesn't like tractors?), the Queen of England (I'd sue too if I had heirs like Prince Charles), Three Mile Island (that's the nuclear plant folks), etc.

This goes on for 57 pages.

Riches is forcing courts to waste valuable time and effort on dispensing with these bogus claims. While frivolous lawsuits are no laughing matter when you've got a backlog of cases in many parts of the country, he should submit his stuff to the late night talk shows - they could use the material for jokes and bits.