Three Quarters Done

Way back when I was still writing for Suite101.com, I posted a series of predictions for 2005. I figured that now might be a good time to check and see how I was doing.

I don't want to pat myself on the back too much, but the Nostradamus thing is hard to do. Except if you manage to split hairs:

1) Red Sox fans - the Devil will be collecting his due Opening Day. First born children cannot be substituted for souls, though the reverse is acceptable.

Sox are out of the playoffs, followed quickly by the Yankees. This one is still open to interpretation.

2) Yasir Arafat is still in stable condition, after dying in a Paris hospital. Abu Mazen will likely be in similarily stable condition by years' end.

Part 1 is still correct and Part 2 may yet happen

3) Iraqi elections will go off as scheduled; as will the bombings. Jimmy Carter will complain that the elections were not full and fair, despite 70% of Iraqis voting for a consensual government for the first time in their history.

Only off by a few percentage points - the elections were successful, and the Left did grumble. Oh, and did I mention that the Iraqi people will be voting on a newly approved Constitution?

4) Saddam Hussein's war crimes trial will start, and Saddam will have wished that he was found dead in that spider hole, as hundreds of witnesses testify as to his barbarity. Tariq Aziz becomes star witness for the prosecution, so as to avoid the death penalty himself. Ramsey Clark, one of Saddam's lawyers, shows himself to be nothing more than a partisan hack and butchers any defense Saddam could have mounted by calling Saddam's victims nothing more than 'manufactured lies by the United States.'

The trial is supposed to start in the next few weeks, and Aziz may still be a star witness. Ramsey Clark was summarily removed from the defense team by Saddam's family. I guess his stylings were too over the top for Saddam himself.

5) Mullah Omar is found dead after committing suicide with three bullets to the back of the head.

One can hope.

6) There will be a natural disaster that will remind people once again that the UN is worthless in a time of need and that the US does stuff that no other nation can do in helping more people do more things without the UN.

Well, isn't that a kicker - we got 'em in spades. First were the tag team duo of Katrina and Rita that battered the Gulf Coast, and then came the South Asian quake that hit Afghanistan, Pakistan, and India. Guess who was first in with the real important stuff - helicopters - the US. The UN? They're still working out a resolution and some statements to coordinate stuff.

7) Kofi Annan will be forced to step down after tapes emerge from Congo showing that he was directly involved in the sexual harassment and rape of refugees under UN protection. Kofi will claim that the tapes are a GOP plot to make the UN irrelevant.

We've got time.

8) The UN remains irrelevant and the UNSCAM papers make their way into the mainstream media via the Wall Street Journal, whose Claudia Rossett will not get a Pulitzer despite her award winning work.

Right on the money. Oh, and the investigations in France and the US have brought about some plea deals too.

9) There will be an attempt at a mass casualty attack in the US but is thwarted when a cop walking the beat notices a truck out of place in downtown LA. His intuition stops a 5,000 pound bomb going off near a Lakers game. However, nothing could stop Kobe Bryant from laying another bomb in the playoffs - as the Lakers fail to make the finals without Shaq.

Hope this one doesn't happen - though the Lakers will still suck.

10) The Yankees will win the Pennant, only to lose to the Diamondbacks in 4 games. Randy Johnson loses two games in the World Series as his former teammates tee off on his newest pitch, the Eephus. Javier Vasquez, who couldn't pitch a lick in New York, wins Game 4 with a 3-hit shutout. New York GM Brian Cashman is found dead under mysterious circumstancs, with a GS cufflink found nearby.

Yanks won the East, lost to the Angels, and Cashman hasn't been seen in public. The watch goes on. Randy Johnson was awful, but the D-backs were even worse. I was close on former Yankee pitchers being in the playoffs though - Clemens, Pettite, Contreas, and el Duque are all big reasons that the Astros and White Sox are still in it. Don't think for one second that Steinbrenner will let Cashman forget that.

11) Israel will not withdraw from Gaza or the West Bank, as the Palestinians elect Hamas in 'national elections' that are rife with corruption and coersion. Dozens die as Hamas opens fire on Fatah members. However, all deaths occurring at the polls are attributed to Israelis poisoning the ballots with secret sauce.

Got this one wrong outright. Israel did withdraw from Gaza - and seems to have been better off for it, though there are ominous signs that al Qaeda and the terrorists are turning the place into an armed terror training camp. Hamas and Fatah are going after each other though, so this is a split decision.

12) Osama bin Laden is found in Newark, New Jersey driving a cab. He's found using the alias Michael Moore. On a related note, Michael Moore is found in Afghanistan after being drop kicked by Pfizer who got pissed off at Moore for 'exposing' the company, despite the fact that Pfizer's contributions in the tsunami relief will top out at $75 million, which is still more than France coughed up.

A joke - but France still hasn't done more than Pfizer (and I'd rather count on Pfizer to come up with a solution for the avian flu than wait for the French to figure out what to do).

13) Rumsfeld is the new Ashcroft. Gonzales is the new Rumsfeld. And Jeb Bush is the new Dubya. Dubya is the new Dubya. Same as the old one. Only with 5x the misunderestimations.

Right on target.

14) I will buy a house this year, only to watch the market bubble that has been ongoing for the last 5 years collapse 10 minutes after we close and take possession. Needless to say, that will not be a happy time and I will have to take out my frustration out on someone - which means you, my readers. BWWHAHAHA!

There's hope that this may still happen before the year ends, but I don't know if that's a good thing.

15) Jason Giambi shows up to training camp weighing 165 soaking wet, bats .212 and is sent down to the minors complaining of a lack of strength due to 'those things.' Barry Bonds shows up to spring training looking like the East German swim team and proceeds to smash Hank Aaron's record 75 games into the season, though no one is attending the game. Bonds' 'records' are kept on the books, but with a syringe next to them.

Giambi did start off slow, but ended up with 30+ homers. Bonds didn't play a game until September, and then nearly broke Ruth's record in a dozen games.

So, what's the verdict? 6/15 but I have hope of going better than 50%.

Moral of the story? Get more outrageous predictions. Mine weren't far enough out there to really count.