Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Bauer to Bristow: A Reply

To: Jack Bristow
From: Jack Bauer
Re: Your memo from 3/22/06.

This memo was written between 10:01:01.01PM and 10:01:01.02PM

Thanks for your unending concern, but I have things under control. I've clearly determined that game theory has its limitations and while I find torture to be quite effective, I can dial it down from an 11 to a perfectly acceptable 8 to obtain necessary intel far quicker and more efficiently than scientists thought possible.

Audrey was cleared of being a suspected mole within minutes of my light questioning, and Colette flipped on Robocop within seconds. How is this possible? The miracle of science?


It's called having Chloe pull the relevant information and using it effectively and in a timely fashion.

And you were wrong on your assumption on Audrey, and that counts as serious demerits on your part. That said, you do have a point about CTU's hiring practices.
Such incompetence can be tolerated no longer. It should never have been allowed to get to this point, but that's besides the point at this stage in time. The clock is ticking after all.

You must do something. Buchanan doesn't have the clout to do so. And you cannot trust the Homeland Security wench and her toady who both have ulterior motives. I sense much fear in them. And more to the point, I sense that both have an agenda that compromises national security.

Neither of them can be trusted, and both will seek your incarceration at the earliest possible moment. President Logan, whose moral and ethical code is seriously compromised will turn to whoever barks at him the loudest, instead of doing the right thing.
And I should be trusting you at this moment? Every time someone new comes in to be my boss or head up CTU, it turns out that they're coopted by some shadowy foreign group, have ulterior motives, and otherwise undermine my ability to do the job of protecting this nation against its enemies, both foreign and domestic.

It would seem that Oliver Stone is the person who wrote the hiring practices at CTU, and pushed for CTU to be taken over by DHS. So, in the interests of national security, when I'm done with today's task, I will see to it that Oliver Stone is tossed into the interrogation room and gets to experience Jack Bauer on 11.

It makes no sense, but with my job, I don't have to listen to anyone. It's safer for everyone if I make my own rules, and that everyone listens to me.

After all, I am Jack Bauer. And you do not want to go there with me.

And you can take that to the bank.

/s/ Jack Bauer.

Welcome readers of the Blogs4Bauer Carnival of Cougar. Make yourself at home, and don't mind the mess. Jack's busy trying to save the world and didn't have time to clean up.

No comments: